TRUE LOVE: FOUR SEASONS [Chapter 9: Autumn]

The trees around Depoe Bay had become filled with reds, oranges, yellows and browns. October brought cool weather and gusty winds. It had been three months since we got the news about my mother’s terminal illness. On my last visit she weighed only 103 pounds. She was losing more memory as the weeks went by and seemed more dazed. This was really happening, my mother’s life was ending and there was nothing I could do to save her. Why did this happen…better question is why does this happen? An incurable disease plaguing the ones we love, it seems unfair. If my mother ever heard me thinking this or saying this vocally, she would have been ashamed of me. She always says things happen for a reason. Is that true? Is there a reason for this? Am I being tested?

            The days didn’t last as long anymore which would upset me. I felt like time was our enemy and wouldn’t let us spend more of it with my mother. My Dad had lost weight, but from not eating and stressing, from pain, from just plain loss of appetite. Lately, he’s only been seen with a blank stare on his face. Maybe he was drained from all the emotion that’s come over him, he just didn’t know what else to do but to shut down. My friends had been coming to see my mother at the hospital. On most visits, she didn’t recognize them, but there were a few handful of times where she would smile when they walked in, giving us a sign that she knew who they were. The doctor told her that she needed to not talk, because every ounce of energy counted at this point. Regardless of these instructions, she would try to communicate with me and my dad.

“Moun…tains.” She struggled

“Mom…please rest.” I begged

“I…want…to…go to…the moun…tains.” She smiled

“We can’t…not right now.” I told her

“After.” She said

I looked at my dad unsure of what she meant. He looked stunned, staring into my mother’s eyes.

“What is it?” I asked

“She wants us to take her ashes to the mountains.” He said flatly as a tear streamed down his cheek

My head whipped back to my mother. He eyes were tear filled and she gently nodded her head. I knelt down beside her frail body and kissed her hand and rested my cheek on it. I fought back my tears, not wanting to spend all this time around my mother crying. The nurse walked in to check on her vitals. My mother gestured to the nurse to come close to her to tell her something, the nurse was more than happy to comply. She leaned over the bed placing her ear near my mother. I watched my mother’s mouth move so slightly and the nurse stood up and smiled. She then walked out to the desk area in the main hall.

“What was that about?” I asked her

My mother simply smiled and closed her eyes. I sat down in the chair next to my mother and just watched her, keeping an eye on her breathing. About an hour into just sitting and staring off into space and wishing this were all a bad dream, the nurse returned to my mother’s room. She walked over to my mom and with her hand, brushed her hair back. She woke up and looked into the nurses eyes.

“It’s time.” The nurse said

“Time for what?” I asked nervously

The door opened again and Diane walked into the room and stood next to my mother’s bed opposite me. She knelt down and held onto my mother’s right hand. She was smiling at me and then my mother. Another person entered the room, I could hear the clicking of dress shoes at first, and then I saw a figure of a man in a black formal suit. It was Cameron. I was confused and yet, pleased to see him, but why in a suit? He had another suit in his hands, hanging on a hanger.

“This is for you.” He said extending his hand holding the suit

“What’s going on?” I asked

“Go put on the suit, Joey.” Diane smiled

I looked at our mothers, then over to my father who looked as confused as I did. I grabbed the suit for Cameron, hoping he would hint to me what was going on, but he just smiled and winked at me. I walked into the bathroom, closing the door and changed. It only took me about ten minutes to change and I exited the bathroom to find a room filled with not only our parents, but Natalie, Phillip, Larissa, Jasmine, Devin and a few co-workers from the restaurant. They were lined up against the walls of the room. Cameron stood at the center of the room, near the foot of my mother’s bed. He extended his hand with his palm up. I walked out towards him, unsure of what to expect. Everyone was smiling, including my mother.

“I don’t understand what’s going on?” I said

“Our first dance.” Cameron smiled

“This isn’t…” I then realized what this was

I looked at my mother as I stood in front of Cameron. This was our first dance. Since she would never get to see me dance at my wedding, whenever that may be, she asked Cameron and the nurse to put this together for her. I smiled back at my mother and then got into position with Cameron. The nurse played music on a small portable CD player. The sound of a guitar played through the speakers and I realized it was “You and Me” by Lifehouse. Cameron and I began to sway back and forth as we looked into each other’s eyes. Regardless of the current situation, I was happy and I showed it with a smile. Cameron held me tightly against his body as we slowly spun together, looking past Cameron’s face I could see everyone smiling and even tearing up as we danced in the dim lit room. Cameron spun be out and I followed by doing the same to him. As the song was coming to an end, I lifted my head from Cameron’s shoulder, breaking free from his grasp and walked to my mother. I kissed her on her cheek as a tear rolled off my face and onto hers. I wiped the tear away as she smiled.

            Everyone exited the room quietly and I followed them to the waiting room.

“Thank you guys.” I said smiling at them

“We knew this needed to be as special as possible for you to experience with your mom.” Natalie said

“It was special. I’ll never forget it.”

We all sat around in the waiting room, talking, catching up. I was so blessed to have such wonderful friends, family and a boyfriend. Cameron and I went to the bathroom to change out of our suits. He had to get back into his casual work clothes. His manager was extremely lenient fortunately, allowing him to spend time with me during the past few months. Cameron was pretty much his own boss, which was nice.

“Let’s go get some fresh air.” I said to everyone.

We walked outside to the parking lot. The autumn air was refreshing. I wish my mother could come outside and enjoy this day. Fall was her favorite season out of the four. We began to stroll around the hospital, standing still near the front of the hospital made me anxious. During our walk Cameron’s phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket as I looked over to see the screen read, “Mom”. He answered as we all stopped in placed.

“Hello?” he answered

I could only hear what sounded like her voice, but could not make out what she was saying.

“We’re coming.” He said frantically

“What?” I asked

“We have to get back.” He said to all of us

He grabbed my arm and we both began to run. Natalie, Phillip, Larissa, Jasmine and Devin closely followed. As we entered the door to the hospitals, I could feel my heart beginning to race. It was pounding forcefully against my chest. The world around me was moving in slow motion. Our running strides took forever to land on the floor beneath us. A doctor was running in the opposite direction. Her lab coat flowing silently and slowly as she ran past us. Voices over the intercom muffled, filled the air. I saw Diane at the end of the hall waiting with an open Elevator. She was gesturing to hurry up. Even her hand signals were in slow motion. I couldn’t hear her voice, just read her lips. “Hurry. Let’s go” from what I could tell. The eight of us ran into the elevator as the doors closed. I stood near the front of the doors and anxiously fidgeted in place. It was taking forever to reach the fourth floor. The doors slowly opened as Diane squeezed by me and ran ahead towards my mother’s room. Still in slow motion, there seemed to be mayhem. My dad was being pulled out of the room and he was screaming, but still, all was silent. I reached the doorway of my mother’s room to find doctors and nurses around her, checking her pulse. I looked at the heart monitor and saw a flat line strolling across the screen. I screamed in agony, “Mom”, but I couldn’t even hear my own voice, just the pure deafening silence. A nurse held me back to let the doctors do what they needed to. I tried to wrestle out of her grip and eventually did. I ran into the room followed my Cameron and pushed a doctor out of the way. I grabbed my mother’s frail cold hand and screamed as tears poured down my face. I fell to the floor in disbelief. Cameron crouched next to me, wrapping his arms around me and resting his head on top of mine. My face partially buried into his chest. I felt a raindrop on my cheek. My conscious told me that it wasn’t a raindrop, but in fact a tear from Cameron. My dad was finally able to rush in and stand on the other side of the bed as he also knelt down and cried. The room was still silent, but I could tell there was noise filling the air. Doctors and nurses talking over one another, machines beeping, crying and screaming. Diane had walked to my dad and wrapped her arms around him trying to comfort him. I turned my head while still against Cameron’s chest and looked out of the door to the room to see Natalie sobbing in Phillips arms. Jasmine had tears rolling down her face leaning against Devin and Larissa on her knees also sobbing against the door frame.

I forced myself up as Cameron stood up with me to keep me standing. The doctor looked at me and respectfully moved out of the way. Though blurry due to the tears in my eyes, I could make out my mother. She looked like she was sleeping. Eyes gently closed and to me, what looked like the hint of a smile. I leaned over her bed and kissed her forehead, then her cheek. I continued to cry as I brushed the back of my hand against her soft face and touched her hair on her pillow.

“I promise.” I said to my mother…it was the only sound I was able to hear

I turned to Cameron and buried my face back into his chest as he held me tightly. She was gone. My mother was gone.

© 2016 Copyright J.M. Casas Jr. of Royalty Novels / The True Love Saga. All Rights Reserved.

All characters and likeness are pure fiction. Any resemblance is pure coincidence. Models and Actors used in marketing material for the True Love Saga were used as inspiration and to provide readers with an image of what the characters may look like.