The following Wednesday, Cameron drove me to my appointment
with the therapist. We got out of his Lexus and walked up to a three story
office building. Inside was an information desk.
“Hello. I’m looking for Doctor Nolan’s office.” I asked
“Doctor Nolan’s office is on the second floor, suite 211.”
The woman smiled
“Thank you.” I said as we walked up the stairs following her
directions
We came up to suite 211, walked in to find someone else
waiting in the room. A woman behind a desk greeted us.
“Hello. Do you have an appointment today with Dr. Nolan?”
she asked
“Yes. My name is Joseph Ramirez.” I told her
“Right on time. He should be done with his current patient
momentarily. Please fill out these forms while you wait.” She handed me a
clipboard and a pen
“Okay. Thanks.” I said
As we
waited, I answered the questionnaire. It asked random things such as my
childhood, habits and emotional scale. Cameron mentioned to answer them
honestly, which I did.
“Here you go.” I said handing the woman at the desk the
clipboard
“Okay. Thank…” she paused, “Oh. Here comes Dr. Nolan now.”
A man walked out of the door to the waiting room followed by
what I assume was another patient. She shook his hand and smiled. The gentleman
who was in the waiting room with us, got up and walked out with her.
“You must be Joey?” he pointed at me with a smile
“Hi. Yes.” I said greeting him with a handshake
“And is this your partner?” he asked gesturing to Cameron
He stood up and shook the doctor’s hand.
“I’m Cameron Harris. Thank you for seeing Joey, doctor.” He
said with a grin
“Of course, of course. I’ve scheduled you for an hour
session. Cameron, if you like you can come back or you can lounge here in our
waiting room.”
“Oh. I’ll come back. I have to go run a few errands
anyways.” He said
“Sure. Joey is in good hands.” He smiled
“I’ll be back babe. I love you.” He said leaning in to kiss
me on the lips
“I love you too.” I kissed him back
“Follow me this way.” The doctor motioned to his back office
We walked down a narrow hall that displayed abstract art and
ink blots. At the end of the hall was a plain door painted orange. We walked
through the orange door and into his office. I sat down in the chair across
from him. He pulled out a file with my name on it and a notepad.
“So, Joey. Let me review a few things I have noted here and
if there are any discrepancies, just let me know and I’ll make note of it here
on your file.” He said
“Okay.”
He began to read off my general information, date of birth,
the year I graduated, parents name, favorite color and even medical questions.
“I have here a police report with a description of the night
you were admitted to the hospital. No we don’t need to get into that
specifically right now. But I would like you to just share anything on your
mind. Anything that has been bothering you that has you worried, or stressed,
or even sad?” he asked
I shrugged. Not knowing where to start or even what to say.
“Joey.” He said taking off his glasses, “As a professional,
I am not here to judge you. I am here to give you my professional opinion and
suggestions. It’s only up to you if you want to act on my opinions. You were
sent to me because your loved ones worry you will fall into a path of
destruction. I want to guide you down the right path, but it’s a path that you
need to be clear of yourself. In order for me to help guide you, I need you to
participate. Everything we discuss stays within these walls. Nobody else will
ever hear of what we talk about. That is a promise I have never broken.” He
smiled
I nodded.
“Good. So share your thoughts.” He asked again
“I don’t feel like myself.” I said bluntly
“How so?” he asked
“Two years ago, Cameron and I went through a rough patch. We
broke up for a few months.” I began
“What happened during those months you were split apart?” he
asked
“I met someone else.”
“Someone…you loved?” he asked
“No. Someone I lusted after.” I admitted
“Do you…miss this lust?” he asked
I gulped and looked into the doctors eyes.
“Every day.” I answered
“Is the passion between you and Cameron not as strong?” he
asked
“It used to be. And even recently…when I was…” I hesitated
“Using?” he asked
“Yes. It was like nothing I ever felt before. Everything
just felt so much better. I was happy. Not a care in the world.” I said
“And when you say…you were happy…why were you not happy
before?” he asked
“I was.” I clarified
“Were you?” he questioned me
“I…I think so.”
“Try to remember.” He said making notations
“Cameron made me happy. But…I was miserable outside of my
relationship. I had a shitty job, daily routines in my life and a horrible
relationship with my father.”
“Let’s talk about that.” He said
“My dad?” I asked
“Yes.”
“Oh. We’re fine now. We resolved our problems at dinner
during Father’s day.”
“So were you talking before?” he asked
“Hardly.”
“What did you resolve?” he asked
“Everything.”
“What specifically?” he asked again
“Well…how he treated me. How he didn’t want anything to do
with me after finding out I was gay and disowning me and not even acknowledging
Cameron.”
“He specifically apologized for that?” he asked
“Well…not exactly.”
“I see.” He said writing down on his notepad
“Did I say something wrong?” I asked
“Wrong? No, never. Whatever you say in this room isn’t wrong
or right. It’s neutral. We share thoughts and ideas to help each other out.” He
said
“Oh. Okay.”
“We’ll return to your father, let’s get back to the part
about your new lust interest.”
“Well, his name was Nick. He used to be a school bully, but
I found out that he was secretly in love with me.”
“And you didn’t feel the same way?” he asked
“No, not exactly. I realized that I was using him. He made
me not think about Cameron.”
He wrote down more notes.
“Can I ask? What are you writing?”
“Topics of discussion. It helps me piece together things,
gaps.” He said
“Oh. Is there a pattern you see, yet?”
“Indeed.” He said
“Can you please tell me?” I asked
“I usually like to get to know the patient a little better
before I start assessing the matter and offering opinions.” He said
“Please. If you have anything that can help me today. I
would appreciate it.” I begged him
He looked down at his notepad and stood up. He came over to
the coffee table in front of me and sat down.
“Joey. I’m seeing signs of depression.” He said
“Depression? I don’t feel depressed.” I said
“It’s not a deep depression. But you can potentially build a
depression deep enough to send you spiraling.” He said
“But why would I do something so careless as doing drugs?” I
asked
“Nick.” He said
“Nick?”
“Just as you were using Nick to fill the void of missing
Cameron, you were doing the same with seeking drugs. To change how you felt. It
has nothing to do with lust or sex.”
“But…I’m with Cameron now. Why would I need to fill the void
with him?” I asked
“That’s due to your father. You seem to have underlying issues
in trying to please others. You want to please everyone…but the person you
don’t seem to please…is yourself.” He said
Shit. He’s right.
“When you decided to take drugs, you did it because you had
the desire to be someone else. Someone reckless, someone daring.” He continued,
“Is there anyone in your life that is like that?” he asked
“Oh…well.” I began, “I recently met one of Cameron’s
friends. He seemed care free and was just enjoying life.” I said
“Would you like my professional opinion now?” he asked
“Yes, please.”
“Stop trying to be like others. You have a loving partner, a
newly founded relationship with your father and friends who care deeply about
you.”
I smiled at him.
“You’re right. When Cameron and I first got together…we
hadn’t made love at all. We just enjoyed each other’s company. It was a simple
kind of love, but it gave me butterflies every time I was around him.” I said
“See. You know what the problem is. You just need to voice
it and fix the problem. You’re smart Joey. It’s good to come out of your
comfort zone, but don’t forget who you are.” He said pointing at my chest
Our
discussion was really helping me see things clearly. We continued to discuss
things in further detail. I was discovering so much that I had closed off in
the back of my mind. It felt so good to just blurt it out. The hour session
drew to a close. It flew by so fast. He scheduled to meet with me in two weeks.
He told me that I ever needed to see him on an emergency, to call his cell
phone. This was going to be the start of a new day.
©
2016 Copyright J.M. Casas Jr. of Royalty Novels / The True Love Saga. All
Rights Reserved.
All characters and likeness
are pure fiction. Any resemblance is pure coincidence. Models and Actors used
in marketing material for the True Love Saga were used as inspiration and to
provide readers with an image of what the characters may look like.
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